This is turning into an interesting week-gallons of canning, my bathroom ceiling threatening to come down, again, (and my landlord not believing me when I say ‘it sounds like it’s raining in my ceiling and the panels are starting to bow, you might want to do something about this), rain…and then more rain…and of course, horrible horror. My favorite kind!
Don’t Go In the House
Every horror movie should end with an astronaut, a flame-thrower, and a group of clothing store mannequins. I have to admit, however, that I liked this late ’70s rip-off of Psycho much more than the original. I think because the movie, while being an obviously fairly low budget film, actually gets into Michael’s head more than we ever get into Norman Bates. Warning: this is old-school slasher so don’t go in expecting full gender equality, and there’s some rather direct nudity.
The Haunting of Helen Walker
Don’t let the name fool you, this is ‘The Turn of the Screw’. There are some weak attempts to convince you that it’s not, but it is. Half of the characters even have the same name…As far as adaptations go, this one isn’t that great. Valerie Bertinelli tries hard to pull off a believable performance as Helen but in the end, the rather blunt interpretation of the source material’s climax and over-acting just bog the piece down. But, it’s not totally unenjoyable so if you happen to like ‘The Turn of Screw’ it’ll at least fill a few hours.
Don’t Go in the Woods
I’m not sure where exactly it is that I’m allowed to go if I’m not allowed inside or in the woods. Either way, if this movie is what happens when you go in the woods, I think it’s pretty solid advice. To be honest though, I actually sort of liked this one but my love of horrible horror films is legendary. I’m not sure I can actually recommend it, is what I’m trying to say. An Elijah Wood look-alike takes his band into the woods (while singing a truly bizarre song about Jesus-did I tell you that this is a musical?), where they are found by a random group of sorority girls. It’s essentially a sing-along slasher, so the usual tropes apply-I guess what I’m trying to say is that other than a weird left turn into eco-feminism and a horribly structured ‘twist’ ending you know what’s going to happen here.
The Haunting of Seacliff Inn
I feel like I’ve seen this movie, years and years ago. I’d call this ‘ghosts for people who can only handle Casper’. I have to agree with the comments on this one, there’s absolutely nothing creepy or scary about this movie, other than Susan’s refusal to accept that Mark is trying to change and Mark’s weirdly wooden interactions with women. Another round of ‘let’s buy a haunted house and get caught up in its twisted history’, please.
The Strange and Deadly Occurance
Gophers are terrifying. Enough said.
Don’t Go to Sleep
Just to round out this entry and our lack of permission theme-it’s probably not a good a idea to pretend your children never existed once they die. They seem to have a habit of coming back, possessing your surviving children, and then scheming with kitchen utensils.