Toad Road

I think that it’s probably possible to make a good horror film based around getting high. I would be more surprised to find out that you can’t; it’s just that most of the horror films with that premise seem to be about things other than getting stoned.

On my list of not entirely polite desires for genre, ‘stop making movies about people getting high like it’s a solid plot point’ would be one of them. At the very least, make it interesting. That’s my major problem with this film; watching someone else get intoxicated is boring. It’s boring in real life and it’s boring on film. I don’t care about the characters by the time the plot gets going and frankly it takes so long to get going that I’m left wondering if there even is a plot.

There are other things that I wonder about. Do people really get out of cars in the middle of public and ask, ‘hey, who brought the [redacted]?’ I feel like most people are capable of enough sense not to pull that. Also, wisdom. So much wisdom. ‘You surround yourself with people drugs, drugs are something that gets done.’ Or something.

Or something is how this movie can be summed up.

In theory there is a plot about urban legends, disappearance, and the potential for disappearing into hell. Hey, I mean, I’ve been obsessed with Inferno imagery since I was in middle school; I can get into looking for the doorway into hell in the middle of nowhere. For that matter, I grew up in a place that looks a lot like York, I can even understand where these legends come from. But at the same time it’s like the writers just frankly forgot that they were supposed to be examining this legend as much as they are talking about how edgy and amazing their characters are for chasing the same white rabbit that people have been chasing for thousands of years. I feel like there could have been something really original here, but in the end all that happens is a group of kids discovering things that people have known for centuries and thinking they’re geniuses for doing so.

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