The Fog (2005)

I don’t know if it’s just that the effects in this film have started to look dated after almost ten years or if they’re just legitimately not good, but this is the worst looking fog ever. This movie may in fact be on my list of reasons why you should go with physical effects whenever you can.

It’s a disappointing remake all the way around. One of the few things I find eerie about this film is the soundtrack-and that’s more because I’m realizing that a) this is what college sounded like for me b) 2005 was a long time ago c) 2005 was an eventful year for me d) I’m getting old. While I tend to fall into the camp of ‘don’t make remakes if the only reason you want a remake is to milk money out of people’ I actually try to give remakes a chance-hence why I watched this film in the first place. But this one really doesn’t make it.

Carpenter’s original had something that this movie lacks in spades-suspense. This film’s a lot of petty people worrying about fairly petty things (seriously, no one’s going to notice what a statue’s holding, and if this is a plot point I sort of want you to get eaten by fog monsters) and there’s really nothing to make you care about what’s going on. The early Millennial habit of the buddy/Shaggy from Scooby Doo type characters showing up in horror doesn’t work nearly as well here as it does in movies like The House on Haunted Hill. The characterization as a whole is just…not good. Do yourself a favor and stick with the original.

Honestly, one of the few things that I found creepy about this movie are the details, and it really only is because it plays games with my head and shoves me back into college, where my horror haunts really took flight. Seriously, I just repurchased a lot of clothes that look like the ones in this movie, which means this film’s old enough that fashions have recycled.

This movie makes me feel old.

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