I think that ‘A’ was for Acceptance the last time around and I just never got around to posting it, at least when I was working this meme on this blog and not on Widdershins.
Anyway. I know for a fact that last time I was talking about a completely different form of acceptance.
I just got back from vacation, and while I sort of see vacation like pizza-at least a bad vacation is still a vacation-this doesn’t rank in my 10 best vacations ever list. It was rough. I am however comfortable enough with myself now to admit, to myself at least, that when you find yourself in the middle of situations over and over again, maybe you’re the problem and not other people.
Where does all this leave me, other than with a certain lingering sense of embarrassment? With this both pretty heavy and fairly cliche lesson: you have to be able to accept yourself, including your faults. Having faults and making mistakes are both probably the best way for you to tell that you’re still alive. And one of the joys of being alive still is that you have the time to change.
I think that this is going to be harder for me to accomplish, and I may not even be able to to do: convince other people that I’ve changed. I have a horrible time telling people no, because I hate the lingering sense of guilt that comes with leaving people to their fates. However, I don’t see a lot of people running to my rescue. Maybe I should take that as a cue. I made the decision to tighten down my boundaries drastically on Friday so in fairness I haven’t given people a lot of time with this change, but I’ve already had people push back.
As long as I don’t swing too far in the other direction, I’ll be fine.