Administrative Note: I Can’t Believe I’m Actually Saying This

[Any use of you in this entry is the general you, not a specific person. Because I obviously don’t know who is doing this. And yes, this is my ‘I’m highly annoyed therefore defaulting into snark’ tone.]

Background entry: We need to have a conversation.

I’m finding link backs from pro-anorexia and related forums on my tracker.

At first I thought it was funny.

Because there is one factor that I think people are overlooking, even though I know that I’ve talked about this before:

I am a self-admitted, self defined fat blogger. Congrats, you have figured out the obvious, I’m not sure why you think you’re the only one to have figured that out. I was born heavy, I’ll probably go to my grave heavy, are we on the same page now? I have a mirror. You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already.

Yay.

But I’m also a fat blogger with EDNOS [eating disorder, not otherwise specified].

What that means, since I refuse to actually join these sites, is that I’m assuming that you -might- potentially be using me as ‘thinspiration’. The irony, it burns. You managed to find a fat blogger who calorie restricts to the point of having a diagnosed disordered eating pattern.

Don’t you look amazing.

Frankly I don’t care if you don’t want to look like me. Because part of my EDNOS expresses as body dysmorphia, I don’t want to look like me most of the time. Beyond that…I really don’t care what you think about me. It took a lot of body therapy to get to that point.

Short answer: don’t throw sand in my own sandbox. I get that the Internet hates fat bodies, I get that the Internet thinks people who look like me are worthless, lazy, weak, disgusting, and a thousand different insults. I’ve been in the body positivity movement a long time-I’ve seen a great deal of it already. I also have a history with Internet snark, so I’m more than slightly familiar with trolling. I’m not necessarily inviting you to try it, but what I’m saying is that I think you’d find that I’m going to fall into the ‘whatever, get a hobby’ end of the spectrum.

If you’re linking to me on a support/recovery board, then this is what you need to do in the future: there is a contact email listed on the side bar. Use it. I don’t want to be drawn into something nasty, and end up triggered myself. I’m all for helping other people heal themselves…but I won’t be the punching bag that you use to do so.

 

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5 comments

  1. It’s a sad pathetic human that needs to disrespect someone else in order to build themselves up. Best to ignore it. They don’t matter in your life. If not you, they will find someone else. It’s not worth your time or attention.

    1. ‘m actually very conflicted with this. Because of the EDNOS I understand the mentality that goes into targeting for thinspiration. On the other hand…because I have an EDNOS, I understand that dragging other people into your very, very flawed mind state just destroys everyone involved-most importantly, yourself.

      I am, truly, more annoyed than anything else. This is has been going on for awhile now, long enough that it was obviously not just a passing thing.

  2. It’s a sad day when you even need to have this conversation. My first thought was “How dare they do this?” Then I remembered that most people suck. I am SO very sorry that you have had to experience this kind of nonsense.

  3. Good for you for speaking up and speaking out. Sometimes, the least stigmatizing thing you can do is to acknowledge the way someone else’s symptoms are spilling over into your own life. Pretending it’s not having an effect is as bad as pretending it doesn’t exist in the first place.

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