2015’s Word of the Year: …Worth?

[This one may come as a shock to at least the edges of my social circle. I’ve been baffled a few times because apparently I’m held as a standard of self esteem. This is why you shouldn’t put people on pedestals.]

I’ve been trying to come up with my ‘word’ for 2015 and the closest thing I can come up with is ‘worth’.

My issue is that I don’t need a word for 2015, I need a theme-I really need to work on my self esteem, or at the least, work on building the defenses against attack. Left to my own devices I do pretty okay, but a lot of the really traumatic hits I took this year were from places where people decided it was acceptable to list all the horrible things about me.

Maybe it’s true, maybe I really am a horrible person. I don’t actually believe that, but if a person goes out of their way to tell another human being that…? [Notice this is said with a fair amount of sarcasm. I don’t actually see myself as a horrible person-flawed maybe, with some definite areas of improvement, but not horrible.]

A lot of this amounts to relearning self comforting techniques from CBT/re-establishing social networks but I need to reground myself into myself. Part of the problem is that a lot of the normal ‘self esteem boosting’ techniques ‘they’ love to shove at you are completely not helpful for me, sometimes in ways that really do need to be addressed and I understand that. Oh, just go out and learn a new skill! If by that you mean, find new ways to fail and re-affirm your weaknesses. Or my personal favorite, just keep telling yourself you have worth! Dude, I’ve been doing that since I was 12. At some point you need to move onto something with slightly more teeth.

The upside of having a standing history with a therapeutic technique designed to rewire your thought patterns is that I already have a base to start tackling this. But the downside of this is the awareness that this is probably going to be exhausting.

So here we go to another long year…

 

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