This has been one of the hardest, most mentally challenging periods of my adult life.
I am fighting one of those battles where you finally face a choice-stop, recharge, and figure out how to be more productive or continue throwing energy at the situation until either it or you breaks. I will be moving in the near future, though it remains to be seen if it will be my choice or my landlord’s. I spend so much time cleaning and organizing and purging personal items that I have literally gotten to a point where I can’t tell if the place is actually dirty or if it’s all in my head.
Like I said. It has not been a good month.
I have finally made a decision, however. If constantly running on so few resources that I have allowed my own body to trigger my anxiety disorder is not winning the war, then I might as well pull back and start giving myself the grace that I would be giving other people in this case-that advice that if 10 is good, 100 is probably not going to fix anything either, if 10 is ten times more than what most people would be putting in anyway. I’ve been already grieving the loss of my fall since my future seems to be nothing but scrubbing floors and looking for new housing [or worse].
I found a bag of raw nuts at Target, and today is my normal day off anyway. I miss the feeling of sliding into autumn and I miss my normal excitement leading up to the season. So I made candied nuts and called it an act of self love and self care.
Note: I bought the ‘normal’ sized bag of raw Planter’s mixed nuts. This made enough sugar mixture that I probably could have used double the nuts and still have been fine. You can coat a lot of nuts with the sugar mixture as written.
At least 1 pound raw nuts
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon pumpkin spice
1 teaspoon salt
1 egg white
1 tablespoon water
Preheat oven to 250
Mix dry ingredients-the sugar, spices, salt
Add nuts, egg, and water
Toss until well coated
Line a tray with parchment paper or a silicone mat. Bake an hour, stirring every 15 minutes or so.
Let cool, and place in a jar.