conspiracy theories

Paramilitary S******** Knitter Army- A Conspiracy Theory

If you go to Google and type in ‘knitters are’ and let it autofill there are probably some things that would come to mind, based on stereotype.

Old, boring, naive, cute, etc.

Something to that effect.

But if you go and type in ‘knitters are’ and let it autofill now, you get something a little bit weird.


A couple of things leading into this post: this conspiracy theory (referred to as CT from here on out) is new. It’s about 5 days old as far as I can tell. It heavily involves fiber culture, so if you’re the type to be into CT only you may have missed a lot of the back story so I’m going to be including part of that background for clarity’s sake, not as a political statement. And that leads into the third point, this is a heavily political CT so there’s really no escaping at least an overview of the politics and is not necessarily an endorsement by the blogger.

The basic theory goes something like this: there is effectively what could be referred to as a paramilitary syle socialist leaning knitting (and crocheting) army made up of primarily liberal leaning women spurring on a great deal of the protest movements including the women’s marches, especially the march in Washington DC, surrounding the current political administration.

The CT seems to center around an actually heavily gender biased assumption about the nature of crafting: it’s about those pink hats that are exploding everywhere. Pull up a photo of the already mentioned march and you’ll see a sea of pink hats.

I found the theory via this tweet thread:



The rest of the thread, needed for context, is here.

Basically through the discussion this original poster (op) doesn’t understand a few pivotal things about the nature of crafting-that crafters use social media, that women can actually get together to craft when they care to, that knitting doesn’t cost an arm and a leg, and that pink yarn is a pretty common thing in the world. [No one tell this kid about truck days at the grocery store or how stuff is shipped en masse around the world either.]

The thing is, if you dig through the thread it’s heavily implied that this tweet isn’t an isolated thing. There was actually some sort of weird thought process surrounding how the hats showed up and why, and there was apparently some sort of theory around that all these women knew to show up with the hats all at once with no prior knowledge. It’s…also sort of implied that we can’t, like as women or knitters or both we just don’t have these thought patterns. It’s very odd.

Some of this I can get. If you were on the fiber culture related parts of Instagram or Facebook the hats were impossible to avoid. They were everywhere. I won’t use the word bullied, but there was definitely this sort of social pressure to make hats (I actually didn’t make any, for reasons that aren’t political in nature). But it does need a certain level of exposure to this subculture-I mean, I don’t follow NASCAR media and therefore have no idea what’s going on over there. It’s understandable.

This CT, or mini-CT sort of became a joke, especially some of the stuff quoted in the tweet thread, around my FB. I think as a group we sort of figured it was an isolated oddity and it would die out.

Then came the Joy of Knitting Facebook fiasco. A yarn shop came out and said that the owner would rather have feminists not purchase at her store because they’re vile, nasty people (that’s a paraphrase but not by much). I won’t link to that page but the statement and the surrounding firestorm of attention has gone national so googling it will bring you up to date. In other words, the US suddenly was introduced to what used to be called radical crafting.

So now we’re coming up on the Google thing: the search recommendations are based on part on how many people have searched for those terms. In other words, people honestly think we’re ruining the country. People honestly seem to think that we’re some sort of major political leftist leaning network (trust me, that’s deeply untrue). Just in the name of science, I actually let Google take me to the suggested results for that tag, and they’re weirdly all over the place. One of the results is about the Koch brothers so I think that’s just similar letters, and there’s a couple of things on the everlasting fight between crocheters and knitters (who’s more rude, who’s more snobby, etc). Oddly, there’s nothing in there about us ruining anything, really. Which makes me think that people are Googling and Google’s not finding anything. However…and this is important because CT doesn’t necessarily take care of tying up loose ends in terms of factuality (don’t look at me, they don’t) it’s hard to tell how long that this has been the ‘normal’ response from Google. It could have been like that forever and we’re just looking for stuff like this now because of our sudden paramilitary status.

This is easily the strangest thing to come out of an already bizarre month.


The Bear Conundrum


I sit here, more than a little sick (what does it say when your mother asks you if you need to go to the ER? I’m not that sick, Mom) and rewatching Fantasia.

Fantasia is more than slightly relevant to this topic because while this is the first time I’ve had it on as more than background noise since I’ve been an adult, I feel like there are sections of this movie that I’ve never seen before. Which is impressive since I binged watched this film as a child. Maybe I’m watching some new cut? I have no idea.

With that in mind, I present to you one of the odder Internet effects-even if this amounts to some sort of bizarre Reddit game that just keeps going.

[Also, blogging while sick is a terrible idea. This wiped me out more than it should have.]

Like the Scary Stories to Tell In the Dark books, this might be a legend/quirk you have to be a certain age to remember.

Are the books the Berenstein Bears or are they the Berenstain Bears? Because Amazon says they’re the Berenstain Bears.

To a great many people this presents a fundamental wrongness. They’re the Berenstein Bears, and someone somewhere took a great amount of time to ‘fix’ it to -stain.

(In defense of those people, the -Stain looks wrong to me, but I probably haven’t seen one of these books in 20 years so at best my memory is suspect, plus the effect of suggestion. And illness.)

So who’s right here? And why, if they’re right? Are we just a generation with really terrible memories? Did they really did change the spelling somewhere along the way-but how do we handle the anecdotes of people’s belongings shifting to the ‘new’ spelling?

Are we just really, really bored?

The Wood between Worlds-On the Berenstain Bears Switcheroo

AskReddit thread 1-potentially nsfw/language

AskReddit thread 2-potentially nsfw/language

Does Anyone Actually Remember It as -Stain?- potentially nsfw/language

Bears Glitch Theory on Reddit-potentially nsfw/language


The Crow Report: A List of Random Facts

Mythological and folkloric facts that I’ve come across, thought were interesting, but were too short to make a full post out of!

1. The akaname is a Japanese demon that is based around the fear of going to be the bathroom at night in the dark. Its name means red or filth licker and its job is to lick up the dirty and grime left in bathrooms at night.

2. Padfoot-another black dog commonly found in England, this one also has a habit of appearing as a giant, demonic sheep with glowing red eyes. It can also be identified by the clinking of chains.

3. England is home to another superstition-the idea of the screaming skull. The idea is that problems can break out ranging from attacks to poltergeist activity to the titular screaming if a specific skull is removed from a certain location, normally a private residence or historical home. The idea may or may not be related to older, more developed folklore.

4. The Fairmont Banff Springs Hotels in Canada had a bellhop named Sam that loved his job so much that he didn’t stop working there after he died. It’s said that his ghost still works the front desk.

5. The White Death

I guess the story comes from Scotland*, where a young girl became so depressed that she decided to commit suicide. However she wasn’t satisfied with just not existing, she didn’t want to have ever existed at all. The note that she left was strange, saying that eventually no one would be left who remembered her. According to legend, her family was found shortly later dismembered but no explanation or suspect was ever found. The legend further states that once the story started being told, people would get knocks on their door. The girl’s ghost was tracking down the people who were telling the story and killing them as well.

She was pretty serious about making sure that no one remembered her.

*The legend seems to appear in other countries as well.

6. The legend of Elisa Day says that Elisa was a beautiful young woman who loved roses. One day an attractive young man appeared in town, a stranger. He seduced her for 3 days, and on the third day he brought her roses. He begged her to meet him at the river on the fourth day. When Elisa arrived on the fourth day, the man clubbed her to death with a rock, exclaiming that all beautiful things must die. He adorned her body with roses and slipped her into the river.

They say that she still walks the river, leaving the scent of roses in her wake, bleeding.

7. Eastern Airlines Flight 401 is a phantom vehicle with an odd history. The actual flight is not considered to be ‘phantom’ as the plane actually did exist and crashed in 1972. However, many of the parts from that crash were salvaged and re-used in other planes. In this case, THOSE are the planes that are considered haunted as several of these flights reported the presence of the ghosts of at least the pilot and co-pilot (and the ghosts of other members of the crew on some occasions). To make the story creepier, it’s even been claimed that the ghosts -talked- to travelers on the plane.

8. The Nephilim conspiracy-this is more about not being to find a solid source that wasn’t, well, a little whackadoodle (listen, we all have our things but this one falls a little high on my oddity meter, is all I’m saying). The Nephilim conspiracy suggests that Earth is being controlled by reptilian humanoids who came to Earth and began to interbreed/hide among our populations. Eventually these reptilians, known as the Nephilim after the race created from the intermingling of angels and man in the Old Testament, took over our political systems and are just in general running the show.

9. Continuing on with the conspiracy theory train, because Mid was excited to tell me about this one, there’s HAARP. Standing for High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, HAARP is said to be the government’s program to control the weather. Essentially, if there’s a major weather event that negatively impacts the nation’s functioning it’s [insert president’s name here] fault, he called up HAARP. This one gets a little messy because HAARP did exist at one point, but was never used on the scale that it’s accused of.

10. That this year is actually 1717 (the Phantom Time Hypothesis). Honestly I’m not sure what’s going on with this theory because it’s not exactly a historical secret that every so often someone comes along and resets the calendar; the way that we measure time is not the same way that people were measuring it 2000 years ago (someone had to invent the leap year, if nothing else). Essentially the argument suggests that the Earth is almost exactly 200 years younger than what it’s claimed to be (Mother Jones states that the years that are missing are 614 to 911, specifically), the Middle Ages weren’t a thing, and everything we’ve dated from that period is an outright fake or based off of faulty information at best. The argument seems to think that one, one individual, the Holy Roman Emperor Otto III wanted to have lived earlier in history than what he did-regardless of the fact that the only way this theory works is by ignoring the histories of the entire world that wasn’t in Europe. Ok, then.



Screaming Skulls

The Haunted Banff Springs Hotel

Conspiracy Watch: Were the Dark Ages Faked?